My life in brief
Before I started writing, I would often sit and ponder what it was I truly wanted to do with my life. To be really honest I used to sit and think about a lot of things and spend most of my valuable time lost in thought.
When my daughter was born nearly a decade ago, I left employment in search of wealth to give her a better life and childhood than the one I had. I was in IT Services at the time and naturally set up an IT consultancy. It was quite a successful business and we could include a royal household in a list of clients.
The problem was, I hated everything about it, although I did not know this at the time. This may sound ungrateful but providing services for systems that have a high dependency need for a money making businesses just brings out the worst of humanity. Everyone treated us like it was our fault the systems had malfunctioned in some way.
Even though I was earning incredible wages, I used to get into the car park, look at our gorgeous offices and just think “god I hate my job”.
This lack of gratitude crept into every aspect of my life. Anyone one on the outside looking in at my life with perspective would see, I had a girlfriend and daughter who are both as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside, they both adored me and supported me. I had a dog who was like a second born child and was as happy to see me if I leave the room for two minutes and returned than if I had just reappeared from a year long vacation. I had an amazing job by most people’s standards, I had a workplace environment anyone would envy and a stunning home in the country.
But I am unhappy, what the actual fuck? Instead of enjoying my time and been grateful for my blessings, I used to sit thinking. I thought about been wealthy and the ways I could achieve this. I thought about the mistakes I had made in choosing my career. I thought about what I wanted to do and how it was impossible to do it with all my financial commitments. I thought about my families safety. I thought a lot about why I was so unhappy. If there was a negative thought, I thought about it.
The issue is, I was always aware of the outside person looking in. I built my life thinking of their perception, not really taking into account what made me happy.
The one thing I did not do, was enjoy what I had. Instead of enjoying the income and spending time with my family, I chose to stay in my mind, thinking.
I was however, very functional at work though, you see I loved a task list. Tasks lists are amazing things and this little gem would allow me to take my mind off thinking and free me some time to achieve wealth, well that is what I used to think (you see the irony here).